because sleep is something I don't do

Dear my lovely Readers,

again I am stuck trying to fall to sleep, but can not, because I have a lot on my mind, and as always it keeps me from sleeping, first off my grandfather is in the hospital, because yesterday morning we got the call that he could not breath, so we took him, and they kept him over night, and he might be able to go home, my sister is going to stay with my grandma until then, because we don't want to leave her by her self seeing how is is in her 90's.

you know it is ironic, but most people hate hospitals, but I realized now hospitals are the only place I sleep at, because ever time I am there, I am able to sleep(not counting when they wake you up to do the nightly test). I don't know maybe it is the fact they pumped me full of dilaudid, maybe it's the fact they have me on extra meds there, I really don't know, but when I am in the hospital I am able to sleep, in fact that is all I want to do there.

I want to take this time out of my life to say to everyone that feels that in some way, shape or form I have wronged them, I am very sorry, I don't care about if I was wrong, or not, or if it is even worth saying I;m sorry for, but I am going to say it anyway, because I don't want to go through life never saying I am sorry to you, and maybe I was not wrong in my eyes, but in yours I was, so again I am sorry, I just hope you forgive me, and I accept all ssorries too, and I forgive everyone, because life can end in a flash, and is not worth holding anger against someone, especially if it is something small, or you don't even remember the reason(s) why you were upset with that person.

so I have decided to give my current psychologist a few more turns, and if nothing comes of it, I won't give up, and stop going, but I will just switch to another one. I want is for someone to talk to about the things that make me this way, not to be drugged up. for that I can go back to smoking weed again, at least then I was high, and in a good mood (when I was high)


If you believes in a Deity(s) please pray for my me, and my family, but if not please keep us in your thoughts, and I will do the same for you <3

I love you all very deeply,
your friend
VPK