As vic's world turns

Dear my lovely readers,

I hope all is going great for you, and you are in peace,

so early today something wack happened as water got on not only my laptop, but also my phone (did I mention we have a leaky roof?) ruining them both, so now I have to buy a new phone, and hope my laptop works again, or I will either have to save to get a new one, or get it fixed, if it can be fixed I mean it still turns on. I guess next time I will get the insurance when they ask me if I want it xD

I was really upset when this happened, but maybe this is punishment for some of the wrongs I have done, said or thought in my life, because I have done so. as everyone reading this, and of this world has done. in fact that is how we start of are lives by doing wrong. don't believe me, well was it not you that raced to the death of millions in order to be the one to fertilize the egg, not caring about how many died as long as you were  successful in your personal goal of birth. so you see we all are guilty of doing wrong, and I am no different, in fact I am your rose of an example of not being perfect.

not wanting to end this blog in a negative light, I will show you  a review of one of the greatest cartoon's

admit it Tom and Jerry still makes you lol

that was wrongfully made into a piece of shit movie

watch his reviews at that guy with glasses

and a song to dance to:)

diss keri all you want, but remember she probably wrote your favorite artist best song

                   

that is all for now,

I love you all deeply,

your friend,

VPK

why I will never love my father like a son should

 it is easy some days to tell yourself you are happy, but sometimes no matter how hard you try that is not, so very easy. want to know something that when I think about it still hurts me to this day? when I was about idk 13 I got a letter from my father, and well me, and my father never been close, I mean I knew him, but he was never in my life besides the few pop ups, so this was rare, but anyhow the letter was your basic blah blah sorry I could not be there letter, but then there was something that stuck out, and I will never forget, he wrote "although I got your mother pregnant with you I will never be your dad, nor will I try to be" and tell this day that bothers me, and I don't know why, but no matter how much we talk now, because we do talk on facebook I can never forget that, and I can not think of him like a son should think of a father, but it seems weird, because it was not like he was ever in my life, so why does it bother me, so much? should I be sad over this all these years later? should I really let these few words keep me from thinking of my father as a father? I mean I know that we should forgive people, and I do forgive him, but why does it bother me when it passes my thoughts?

happiness

please grow in me,
like a seed into a tree,
please last the rest of my time,
like the sun's great shine,
comfort me when all is wrong,
like the words of a soothing song,
give me a should,
when the world is colder,
keep me deep n your arms,
when the world only harms,
be with me for every single breath,
that my body has left,
even be with me after death,
please happiness come my way,
and make me smile these dark days

The sorrowing waters I drown in

Dear my lovely readers,

     I hope all is well with you, and you are doing OK. As for me today I am OK, but could be better.

     No matter how happy I get past thoughts of sorrow always flood my mind, and drown me in their sadness. I wish I could be more open with people, and talk about the things they have done to hurt me, but instead I just keep it inside, and let it kill me slowly. I wish I could tell the people that have hurt me with their words how much they have hurt me, and how it has messed me up. some of this goes all the way back to when I was a child, but nope I never even talk about it with anyone, but simply hide it. I mean I forgive these people, and I love them, but still why can't I forget about it? why must it pop up in my head at random times for no reason what so ever? worst of all these were only words, and nothing else I mean if I was beat as a child, or harmed in anyway I understand, but why must words cause me so much mental anguish?

     when I talk to my counselor, and they ask me about anything to do with this I just act like nothing ever happened, because I do not like to talk about this, and I never have with anyone, but I really want to:(

I love you all deeply,
your friend,
VPK

come close to me

Dear my lovely readers,

Greetings and peace I hope all is well with you,

I am in a peaceful mood, and floating across the cosmos of space as the stars shine bright in my eyes of sorrow, but all is currently beautiful

This has my mind at peace right now, like I don't even exist just in thought 

music is the cure, but cause of sorrow

so as you know I have been trying to think more positive in order to be more happy, and well it has been working...for the most part, but for the most part is better than always being sad I guess, but still there exist times when I just can not help it. 

I just hope this joy last, because I have felt sorrow's bitter love so many times, and no matter how great of a lover she is it always ends the same way.

I have set up a list of goals, some are short term goals, others are long term, but the point is to have something to work on daily in my life, one of th goals was to get out more, which I have been doing, and of course being more happier, but that one won't happen over night, the others I will let you know about on a later date

that is all for now,

I love you all  deeply,

your friend ,

VPK

1/27/2012

come to my empty home,
where my thoughts sit alone,
in a world that is unknown,
resting in hell on their own,
searching for the heaven's magic,
and live through all the tragic,
outcomes that show its face,
but even that hope has no trace,
of ever existing from time to time,
like the perfect crime,
it steals any of the shine,
from my very mind,
but instead shoots an arrow,
that leaves a gaping hole,
of blackness in my soul.

how battling depression is like playing super Mario

Dear my lovely readers,

I hope all is well with you, and ypu are all in my hearts <3

so, am sure most, if not all, of you are confused by the title of this blog, and many of you are now wondering "vic are you puffing the magic dragon?"  but hear mt out first,

see life with depression  is Mario (or luigi if you prefer)

luckiest plumber ever

you battle your way through different worlds of sorrow, and sadness,

Mario 3 is the best Mario ever

fighting of things such as negative thoughts

Mario has more kills then any other video game

but along the way things such as meds help you out, and have you flyin' high sometimes

how do raccoon tales make you fly?

but friends help you the most, and make you feel like you have star power

you are all my star power <3

but sometimes even when you are happy you find it was just for the moment, and you have not found a way to be more happy then just for a while

is toad a boy wearing a mushroom on his head, or a man?

but when you do defeat the Bowser of sorrow by chopping the bridge of depression and have sadness fall into the  fire lake of happiness 

why did he leave an Ax there?

you are awarded with finally finding the happiness you been seeking (^__^)

why is her last name toadstool?

and that my readers is how life with sorrow is like the Mario games:)

I hope you enjoyed this post:) 

until next time,

I love you all deeply,

your friend,

VPK